Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
