i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
