Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
