I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i dont even know how to be here
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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