your parents love me but you hate me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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