OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if only i could text you this smell
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your penis caused this!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
