No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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