I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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