First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
