these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
