could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
