the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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