Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
