I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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