There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
