It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
