it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
