So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
