did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
