I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
whose parrot is this?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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