i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
