im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
