it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
