Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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