What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
