ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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