Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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