You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize