ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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