i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this will be a night to untag.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
