yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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