The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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