how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
