I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
