i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
