I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
