If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
