I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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