Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
