Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
