Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
