Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
