quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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