He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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