Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
