i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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