Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
