I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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