Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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