Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
