This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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