i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
