is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
