Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
