I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
