there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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