she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
