I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
