so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
