Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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