worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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