When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
