so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
