I cockslap morals
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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