So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
