You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
