New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
