We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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