Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
