She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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