so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
