I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
