party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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