Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
