I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
