I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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