I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
