I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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