I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
MIDGETS
????
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
