I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
