i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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