I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize