I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
