I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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