The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
