Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
