I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
