Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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