There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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