guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
